Divorce, Mediation, and Children
Jul 09, 2013
No one starts out in marriage thinking they should prepare for divorce. The choice to end a marriage is an excruciating one, especially when children are involved. Liaise Divorce Mediation Services can be helpful for everyone, and many couples are using mediation rather than using lawyers to fight out divorce terms in court. Even in mediation it’s important to know how to prepare and what to do.
Preparing for Mediation
Emotional injury leads to anger. Being angry is justifiable, but it is not useful and will do more harm than good. See a professional counselor who can help you sort your emotions out and deal with hurt feelings and anger. Reaching out in this way may not come naturally, but it will pay off. Financial strain contributes to anxiety and fear, and again, these stress factors lend themselves to anger. Splitting up property is extremely emotional when assets are lean and debt is large. Liaise Mediated Solutions can help you manage these matters and point you to good financial counselors if need be.
Stay open-minded. You know what you want. Your spouse knows what he or she wants, too! Listening is difficult when emotions are high. Getting your emotions under control is key to good listening, and to work out solutions that meet everyone’s needs.During MediationUse fair fighting rules. • Find areas of common ground and focus on those. For instance, agree that you want a fair settlement for both of you, or that you both love the children and want what’s best for them.• Don’t fight to win. Fighting fair means there is no loser. Both sides achieve a compromise they can live with, and everyone wins.• Fighting fair means being civil and respectful to each other, especially in front of your children. Bite your tongue when necessary!• Choose an appropriate time to talk. Do not have emotionally charged conversations in front of your children. Agree to save these talks for a time when you are not within earshot of the children.• Setting a specific time for these talks will help you prepare what you want to say, refocus your energy on common agreements, and get your emotions under control.• Look forward, and don’t let the past dredge up emotional baggage. Agree that the past is the past and that you won’t revisit it when you are negotiating.• Unfortunately many people use their children to hurt their spouse, but this is far worse for the children than it is for the spouse. Put the needs of your child ahead of your own.• Agree to help your children through the changes. It’s tempting to placate sad children, but you risk allowing them to believe you are getting back together. Tell the truth, so they can adjust to it.• Security is a key need for a child. Make sure they know that they will not be abandoned in any way, and that they are still loved.Mediation helps couples consider all aspects of divorce and work together to make the process as fair as it can be. All of the legal paperwork can be worked out once an agreement has been reached. The financial benefits of mediation keep money arguments minimized as well. Liaise Divorce Mediation Services can help you and your family reorganize and function effectively after divorce.
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Preparing for Mediation
Emotional injury leads to anger. Being angry is justifiable, but it is not useful and will do more harm than good. See a professional counselor who can help you sort your emotions out and deal with hurt feelings and anger. Reaching out in this way may not come naturally, but it will pay off. Financial strain contributes to anxiety and fear, and again, these stress factors lend themselves to anger. Splitting up property is extremely emotional when assets are lean and debt is large. Liaise Mediated Solutions can help you manage these matters and point you to good financial counselors if need be.
Stay open-minded. You know what you want. Your spouse knows what he or she wants, too! Listening is difficult when emotions are high. Getting your emotions under control is key to good listening, and to work out solutions that meet everyone’s needs.During MediationUse fair fighting rules. • Find areas of common ground and focus on those. For instance, agree that you want a fair settlement for both of you, or that you both love the children and want what’s best for them.• Don’t fight to win. Fighting fair means there is no loser. Both sides achieve a compromise they can live with, and everyone wins.• Fighting fair means being civil and respectful to each other, especially in front of your children. Bite your tongue when necessary!• Choose an appropriate time to talk. Do not have emotionally charged conversations in front of your children. Agree to save these talks for a time when you are not within earshot of the children.• Setting a specific time for these talks will help you prepare what you want to say, refocus your energy on common agreements, and get your emotions under control.• Look forward, and don’t let the past dredge up emotional baggage. Agree that the past is the past and that you won’t revisit it when you are negotiating.• Unfortunately many people use their children to hurt their spouse, but this is far worse for the children than it is for the spouse. Put the needs of your child ahead of your own.• Agree to help your children through the changes. It’s tempting to placate sad children, but you risk allowing them to believe you are getting back together. Tell the truth, so they can adjust to it.• Security is a key need for a child. Make sure they know that they will not be abandoned in any way, and that they are still loved.Mediation helps couples consider all aspects of divorce and work together to make the process as fair as it can be. All of the legal paperwork can be worked out once an agreement has been reached. The financial benefits of mediation keep money arguments minimized as well. Liaise Divorce Mediation Services can help you and your family reorganize and function effectively after divorce.
