Professional Business Coach and Life Coaching | Greg Clowminzer

I am a believer that the right strategy ensures a successful outcome, and that the wrong — or outdated — strategy wastes valuable resources and needlessly delays the results. The trick is to select the perfect strategy — or have the ability to create it from scratch. In my view, the right strategies are what makes a person or company a success or failure today.

In the old days, hard work, commitment, effort, dedication and “following the rules” were how you succeeded. It worked, but it was very, very costly in all areas: physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

But as we approach the next millennium, it’s clear that smart people are no longer willing to suffer for success — not even a little bit. The answer? Strategies. Creative strategies. Customized strategies. Clever strategies. Strategies are the keys to success, no matter what the goal.

But you have to know these strategies. A lot of them. And some that you’ve never heard of or never considered. And you have to learn how to craft, adapt and synthesize them to fit your situation or that of your company or clients.

Strategizing is a skill, and it’s a skill that you can benefit from forever in your career, business and in your personal life.

1. A strategy is *HOW* you get something accomplished, whether it’s you doing the work, someone else doing the work, or the strategy itself that does the work.

People sometimes get strategies, plans, goals, outcomes, purpose, vision and action steps confused. Briefly, here’s the difference:

A PLAN: A plan is what you develop in order to identify, organize and schedule your time, resources and energy. A plan consists of a list of resources needed, actions steps to take, a timeline of events and progress milestones.

PURPOSE: Your purpose is why you are doing what you are doing, why you’ve set a goal, why you’re going for an outcome.

VISION: Vision describes a possibility. A vision is what you see that perhaps others can’t see as well. It’s about an improvement, a betterment, sheer possibility, yet it’s not pie-in-the-sky.

OUTCOMES: An outcome is what occurs after you reach your objective or goal. The outcome includes the results, but also the benefits of those results, both tangible and intangible.

STRATEGY: A strategy is HOW something gets done, not just what you do. A strategy is your approach. It’s your positioning. It’s your smart way of reaching the goal with the least amount of wasted effort or cost. With a strategy, you aren’t always working directly on the goal itself, but rather on improving or positioning the environments, relationships, resources, flows, systems or even yourself. So strategies are very different from a plan. In fact, when you devise the right strategy, the plan becomes obvious. But without the strategy, the plan is merely a set of linear action steps (read: lots of work and often stoopid).

2. The first reason to develop a strategy is to save yourself time, money, effort.

In other words, by using a strategy, you are using your intelligence and creativity to be clever, instead of just focusing on action steps. Anyone can recommend action steps, but it’s the effective coach, professional or executive who always designs a strategy BEFORE embarking on the action steps.

3. The second reason to develop a strategy is to expand the outcomes.

The right strategy ALWAYS expands the goals and the outcomes. ALWAYS. Think of Amazon.com. Their original goal was to be the largest seller of books and their strategy to achieve that goal was to use the Internet as their storefront. But the strategy of using the Internet has proven so brilliant, it has expanded their goals, so now Amazon.com offers music, videos, gifts, software and who knows what else! Their strategy became ‘even more important’ than their original goal (more on this idea below).

4. Every goal, then, deserves a clever strategy.

Goal-setting, without an accompanying strategy, is fairly impotent and usually expensive. Sure you can accomplish goals without having a strategy, but why not use the power of strategy to help you reach the goal more easily? Why not use your mind, wisdom and creativity to make life occur more easily for you? Why slog through life?

5. There are many viable strategies available for virtually every situation.

Here’s a brief list of the types of things that people and companies want to focus on:

• Personal Development
• Professional Development
• Personal Financial Success
• Lifestyle Improvement
• Business Marketing
• Business Performance
• Problem-Solving
• Customer Relationship Improvement

Did you know there are at least a dozen distinct strategies to help a person reach goals in EACH of these areas?

Let’s take the Personal Development area for a moment. To help a client (or yourself) develop personally, you can use any number of strategies. You can use the Integrity Strategy, the Personal Foundation Strategy, the Attraction Strategy, the Personal Evolution Strategy, the Spiritual Strategy, the Healing Strategy, the Extreme Self Care Strategy, the Integration Strategy, the Evolution Strategy, the Beliefs Strategy, the Bodywork Strategy, the Acceptance/Detachment Strategy, the SuperReserve Strategy, the Overrespond Strategy, the Awareness Strategy, and the Self-Esteem Strategy.

Each of these strategies helps a person to develop themselves. Wouldn’t it be nice to know something about each one of them? Wouldn’t it be helpful to know enough to be able to play chef and craft the perfect combination of ingredients from all of them and whip up a customized strategy for a client, within minutes?

THAT’s the power of strategy, but to become a masterful strategist, you need to know the strategies themselves and how to build custom ones to fit exact needs.

6. Strategies are key to business success as well.

There is not a single business today that isn’t using a strategy of some kind to grow or manage that business. But are they using the BEST strategy? Are they using the most CURRENT strategy? Are they using a CUSTOMIZED strategy?

Let’s take one of the areas of focus listed above — Business Performance — and list a dozen strategies that could be used to help a company improve their performance. You could use the Creating a Gap Strategy, the Incentives Strategy, the Vision Strategy, the Coopetition Strategy, the Coaching Strategy, the Leverage Strategy, the Customers-As-R&D-Team; Strategy, the Internet Marketing Strategy, the Automation Strategy, the Eliminate Delay Strategy, the Virtual Management Strategy, Intrapreneur Strategy, the Reinvention Strategy, and/or the Creativity-Skills Strategy. Oops, that’s 14 strategies. See how easy this is!

Some of these you are already familiar with, some of these are probably new for you. But wouldn’t it be helpful to be familar with ALL of them? Would that make you wise? Would that make you highly effective with your clients, with your company and/or in your own personal life?

7. You start the process of creating a strategy by asking yourself some questions.

“What’s the smartest, cleverest, most creative and easiest way to make X happen, without having to do it like everyone else is trying to do it? What’s a better way? What’s an unconventional way? What’s MY way?”

One of the most fascinating aspects of strategy is that the process of developing strategies is a highly creative one. True, you can use off-the-shelf strategies. But it’s also important to be able to craft and customize strategies. You do this by first learning the basic strategies for personal and business success (there are 160 of them, and counting). And THEN when you ask yourself the questions above, you’ll have enough raw material to invent something new that fits perfectly for your situation or a client’s.

8. Strategies evolve you, in addition to helping you achieve your goals faster.

In any personal or business situation, there are 3 elements: the person, the goal and the strategy. I call these the Who, the What and the How. In an earlier point, I mentioned that the strategy affects and expands the goal, using Amazon.com as the example. But did you know that a strategy can also expand who YOU are? Think about it. I bet Jeff Bezos (CEO of Amazon.com) is a bigger/more expanded person since he began implementing this strategy to reach his initial goal. In some ways, the original goal expanded Jeff, meaning that he began to think bigger and got stretched as he launched Amazon.com. But as he developed his strategy of using the Internet, I say that this strategy expanded and evolved him as well.

In other words, what I am saying is that our goals and our strategies have as much to do with our personal evolution as to do with our direct efforts in that area. Or to put it another way, if you REALLY want to evolve yourself, find a goal, create a clever strategy and watch the evolution occur. Strategies are a catalyst for personal evolution. It sure beats willpower.

9. Strategies let you achieve in the middle of chaos.

There’s a lot that’s been said about ‘change’ and ‘change management’ during the past 10 years. And with the development of the Internet, the rate of this change is changing. In fact, the rate of time is also changing, given an Internet Year is about 3 months, not 12 months. And with the millennium approaching, we are all re-evaluating what it is that we really want and how we’re going to achieve it. Like fast.

I think it’s fair to say that we’re moving from a rational world (predictable, logical) to an irrational world (unpredictable, illogical). If this progression is true, then it means that chaos had better become our friend — and fast — instead of us trying to control or limit the chaos (how 80s!). But how do we, as humans, ‘hold’ chaos, given it brings up fear and stimulates us in ways we cannot predict?

The answer that I’ve found for myself is to become an expert on strategies. I find that when I focus on strategies, I can handle — and actually enjoy — chaos. I DON’T NEED TO KNOW THE OUTCOME. After all, as chaos increases, outcomes become less and less predictible. More about this in my final point, #10.

10. It is as important to be an expert in strategies as it is to be dedicated to results.

Earlier in this Top Ten list, you may remember that I said that the right strategy will expand the goal in very cool ways? I used Amazon.com as my example. Now, I have nothing against goal setting and goal achievement — that makes the world go ’round. But I feel that it’s as important to learn the skills of strategy design as it is to learn how to deliver results. Why? Because if you only deliver results, it means that you’re using older strategies, not inventing newer ones. It means that you’re good at running a Barnes and Noble Store, but ignorant that the majority of books will soon be purchased online. (Nothing against Barnes and Noble — they are great and they have barnesandnoble.com)

Put it another way. If I was your coach, I could help you reach your goals, using coaching and communication skills, and you could benefit from my experience of having helped a hundred other people reach that same type of goal. But I’d just be giving you ‘fish’ instead of teaching you how to fish. So part of what I do with my clients is that I share strategies with them, not just action steps. And I teach my clients how to strategize, so that they can devise their own strategies, far after they’ve stopped coaching with me.

Teaching a client how to strategize is the ultimate in empowerment. You are giving them the tools to empower themselves. And that’s an ‘annuity of value’ that the client will benefit from for a lifetime.

To schedule a free coaching call to see if coaching might be the help you need, simply call 760-930-9604. There is no charge. This is a no-pressure, no-obligation opportunity to see if coaching is right for you.

How big would you dare to dream if you had the support of a highly-skilled team of like-minded individuals behind you? Are you wondering how to move beyond where you are today, and take your business to the next level?

A highly effective MasterMind group could very well be the most powerful tool you ever apply to your business. MasterMinding is absolutely essential for anyone who wants to succeed… anyone who is committed to achieving at an exponential level… anyone who has been drained by the endless challenges of running and growing a business.

To put it simply, MasterMinding is one of the easiest ways to breathe new life and action into just about any situation.

Don’t wait. Every day that you’re in business without the power of a MasterMind behind you, you’re exposing yourself to a world of unnecessary risks and challenges. You no longer have to be the lone ranger entrepreneur. Follow this guide and create your own powerful team. Remember… Together Everyone Achieves More.

Ready for Results?

Anything that you can do on your own, you can do faster with a MasterMind.

Would you like to learn more?

I am working with a group of small business owners and entrepreneurs who want to grow their business through collaboration and shared ideas.

If you would like to learn more please email me your name and email address and I will send you some information or visit ==>>> http://gregclowminzer.com/mastermind-group-for-entrepreneurs/

Your Partner In Success,

Greg Clowminzer

How big would you dare to dream if you had the support of a highly-skilled team of like-minded individuals behind you? Are you wondering how to move beyond where you are today, and take your business to the next level?

A highly effective MasterMind group could very well be the most powerful tool you ever apply to your business. MasterMinding is absolutely essential for anyone who wants to succeed… anyone who is committed to achieving at an exponential level… anyone who has been drained by the endless challenges of running and growing a business.

To put it simply, MasterMinding is one of the easiest ways to breathe new life and action into just about any situation.

Don’t wait. Every day that you’re in business without the power of a MasterMind behind you, you’re exposing yourself to a world of unnecessary risks and challenges. You no longer have to be the lone ranger entrepreneur. Follow this guide and create your own powerful team. Remember… Together Everyone Achieves More.

Ready for Results?

Anything that you can do on your own, you can do faster with a MasterMind.

Would you like to learn more?

I am working with a group of financial advisors who want to grow their business through collaboration and shared ideas.

If you would like to learn more please email me your name and email address and I will send you some information or visit ==>>> http://gregclowminzer.com/financial-advisors-mastermind-group-forming-now/

Your Partner In Success,

Greg Clowminzer

Wisdom of Napoleon Hill For Achieving Success

Napoleon Hill is well-known for his groundbreaking 1937 book about the rule for achieving success: Think And Grow Rich.

In the 1960s, Napoleon Hill filmed some tv shows about his success principles. These are typically short videos which expresses his philosophy and gives practice advice about having this success you want in your life.

Napoleon Hill said, "Cherish your visions along with your dreams because they will be the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate accomplishments. "

Below are the 13 short videos from Napoleon Hill.

• Part One – Definiteness of Purpose
• Part Two – The Mastermind Principle
• Part Three – Going the Extra Mile
• Part Four – Applied Faith
• Part Five – A Pleasing Personality
• Part Six – Self Discipline
• Part Seven – A Positive Mental Attitude
• Part Eight – Enthusiasm
• Part Nine – Personal Initiative
• Part Ten – Overcoming Adversity and Defeat
• Part Eleven – Creative Vision
• Part Twelve – Accurate Thinking
• Part Thirteen – Cosmic Habitforce

A somewhat new advance in the world of business, people are finding out what hiring a Life And Business coach will do for your business. From support to a starting a new business, Business coaches can provide much needed direction when one is just starting out in a business or a veteran business owner. Even for longtime business owners, a business coach is a great tool to utilize.

Having no support in the world of business is like being a fish out of water. One can flounder without guidance. A business coach can help with everyday problems or major issues.

For instance, if one is stuck on a particular aspect of a problem, a Life and Business coach may show them the problem in a different light. Obstacles will appear to just be challenges rather than boulders that could cause excess stress. A business coach can help with changes in the market or other types of business questions. Coaches make great assets and friends. One's success is the coach's success as well.
Having a different way to look at problems is one benefit of having a Life and Business coach. When one cannot seem to find the answer, his or her Business Success Coach may be able to shed light on the subject and cause the individual to see things anew. Find out what your business coaching options are by visiting www.GregClowminzer.com.

New business skills and tools become available every day and learning how to utilize these new tools in one's business is just another great aspect of hiring a Business coach. The Business coach is there to teach the business owner how to use new technologies and how to see new concepts. You will achieve much more when working with a life and business coach the list below summarizes the some of the new ways of being that you will gain.

• Draw out gifts and strengths you never knew existed
• Remove unwanted subconscious blocks
• Help you tweak habits to make you more effective
• Keep you motivated and inspired
• Keep you accountable
• Begin to live a life that is truly worthy of living
• See yourself much bigger then you see yourself now
• Set and achieve goals

Would you like to learn more?

To schedule a free coaching call to see if coaching might be the help you need, simply call 760-930-9604. There is no charge. This is a no-pressure, no-obligation opportunity to see if coaching is right for you.

Greg Clowminzer offers advice and personal coaching for CEO's, small business owners, and professionals who are stressed out and overwhelmed by the challenges of business, relationships and life.

I recently asked a group small business owners and professionals "What one skill if you master it would make the biggest difference in your business?" But first we talked about mastery and what it takes to really embrace the path of mastery. You see most people are hacks. What I mean by that is, people are often looking for the short cuts. How many steps can I skip in the process of growing my business. Successful people leave us clues. And one of the biggest clues of successful people is that most of them have a healthy relationship with discipline, structure and focus.

So if you want to get better at something know that you will need to invest time and energy to whatever skill you want to improve.

Now it's you turn, what one skill if you could master would literally transform your business?

Okay, here is a list of the skills that other entrepreneurs thought would be important to master.

Skills List

• Marketing - Lead Generation
• Social Skills - How to engage with people.
• Communication Skills
• Have an attractive elevator speech
• Referrals - Mastery the art of asking for what you want
• Organizational Skills - Time, Priority and Energy Management
• Mastering Your Craft - Be A Knowledgeable Expert In Your Field
• Relationship Building
• Leadership Skills
• Problems Solving
• Creativity/Innovation
• Team Management
• Strategic Planning

I was able to dig into one of the above skills with someone to determine what could be done this week to develop that skill. The skill was communication and here is what we came up with.

Communication Skills

What can you do this week:  

• • Practicing tell the absolute truth.
  • When speaking your truth make sure it is necessary, kind and true.
  • When communication make sure you have good eye contact, you allow for silence and you notice and avoid triangulation.
  • When communicating make sure you present and in your body, focus on appreciation and stay curious rather then trying to be interesting.

Would you like to learn more?

To schedule a free coaching call to see if coaching might be the help you need, simply call 760-930-9604. There is no charge. This is a no-pressure, no-obligation opportunity to see if coaching is right for you.

Greg Clowminzer offers advice and personal coaching for CEO's, small business owners, and professionals who are stressed out and overwhelmed by the challenges of business, relationships and life.

Business or Life Coach - How To Choose The One That's Right For You  

There are so many coaches out there, from all walks of life. But if you are picking a coach to work with you, you can't afford to make the wrong decision and start all over again with someone else. So how do you separate the sales spin from the reality and be confident that the coach you chose is right for you?

First of all, take some time over the choice. If it works, coaching could be one of the best investments you can make – for you personally and for your business. But despite this, people often rush into a decision or jump for the first coach they speak to. So, before you take your pick make sure you find out these things about your coach:

What is their main coaching focus? If you need a business coach, you need a business coach – not a life coach who happens to do some business coaching. Many coaches will offer a range of services, but find out what their real specialism is – or at least the type of coaching they have the most passion for.

What business experience do they have? It is perfectly acceptable to ask a coach about their professional background, including asking for details of what they did or achieved for the companies they worked for. You can be coached by someone who has only operated several layers lower in organizations, but to get real success you need to know they have experience at your level.

Are you comfortable with them on a personal level? Rapport is important here. Coaching will sometimes take you into unfamiliar areas and challenge your comfort zone. You need to make sure you work with someone who you personally feel comfortable with – this is not about expecting to be best friends (which is not what you need), but knowing that you can relax enough in their company.

Have they got experience of your specific skills challenges? If you already know there is one particular skill or competency you want coaching on, such as influencing skills or time management, make sure this is an area the coach has experience of. Similarly if you work in a specific sector and want someone who understands the specific challenges you face, check their background includes this.

How much of their time is spent coaching? Beware of consultants or trainers who say they are coaches but actually spend a very small part of their time coaching people. There is a huge difference between a full-time trainer who occasionally adds coaching onto a specific package and a professional coach!

What management experience have they had? This may sound obvious, but if you manage a large team of people in your business you need someone who can understand the dynamics and challenges that brings. There are many coaches out there who will have managed only a handful of people or none at all.

So, with all this can you be sure that coaching will work? Absolutely not – coaching is a unique relationship and you'll never know until you give it a try. But, if you ask these questions, your chance of success will be far greater. – and you could well find yourself working with someone who can help you transform your business and life.
                                           
Most coaches offer a free introductory session to alleviate the fear of taking the next step and working with them. Take advantage of the offer and seize the opportunity to see if you are ready to be coached to reaching your ultimate goals.

Would you like to learn more about coaching?

To schedule a free coaching call to see if coaching might be the help you need, simply call 760-930-9604. There is no charge. This is a no-pressure, no-obligation opportunity to see if coaching is right for you.

Greg Clowminzer offers advice and personal coaching for CEO's, small business owners, and professionals who are stressed out and overwhelmed by the challenges of business, relationships and life.

It is a good coach behind every good athlete, a person who has the capacity and ability to guide the athlete and as experience and advice are invaluable. When a talented athlete does not have a good coach, he or she is in danger of losing his talent or work hard to achieve goals have been much easier to come up with an idea and perspective.

The same theory applies in business. Every successful company has a good coach, a person responsible, which can carry a team to success, who can find the best ways to motivate employees, the media more effective and the best solutions when the firm experiences a crisis. Everything is related or correlated in life, so it may well compare a football team with a business team. Great players are not sufficient, but a great coach is crucial. If team members are gifted, but lack the input of an incredible car that can motivate and help you be the best cases, the computer can not reach the top. When good players and great coaches come together, then the sports world will never be the same. Your business may suffer the same change, if you choose a coach to help you become great. Information and experience is power. Business Coaching focuses on the provision your company with this incredible power, and help you as a business owner, stay informed and, subsequently, power and success.

When you want to ensure the success of your business must take into account three important aspects: having someone with great vision on his side, the management of its business towards its goals and creating a competent team to work efficiently. Business training will help you achieve the recognition and enforcement of these responsibilities. You will not play a second part in their own business by choosing business coaching, only have the opportunity to learn from the best and then be able to manage many other great business, if you choose. It is said that most students come to their teachers excel in talent is concerned. So, learning from the best can only mean you and your company will become the best.

The addresses of the business coaching companies of all types of industries and all sizes. As there are large Coaches of all the great players, so there are business coaches for all types of businesses. small business coaching, for example, is a powerful tool for those seeking to start their own business as well as for those that have been in business for quite some time and require support and assistance to expand and take it to new levels.

In order to improve profits, it is necessary planning, focus and direction. Applying a risk management framework and efficient processes are essential to the success of any small business that wants to expand. Good time management, projects and employees is vital, but so is the achievement of a good balance between work and life. Small business coaching can help achieve that.

Small business coaching includes a series of programs designed is to help establish clear distinctions regarding their current status and future directions. As mentioned earlier, some programs small business coaching starting address and focus on support to build your business.

small business coaching also includes the efficiency and profitability of their processes business, and all points of view that a business coach will give this regard include the help and support to identify, review and document these processes.

Small business coaching can also focus on risk management, and providing support to the implementation of the frameworks of effective risk management that their business requires.

All in all, business coaching is a powerful tool that will give you the motivation and inspiration to be at the helm of your business. No one doubts his ability to handle things yourself, but two heads are always better than one, and professional experience to help you analyze every move only can be beneficial for you and your business

How To Put The Passion Back Into Your Business

Sponsored by San Diego Business Connectors

Presented by Greg Clowminzer

Six million new businesses are started every year and 90% fail within two years. "Just because you love what you do-doesn't mean you are an entrepreneur. Growing as an entrepreneur goes far beyond personal growth. "If you open up and awaken to the Creator within, your world is transformed." Greg calls this Conscious Entrepreneurship, meaning that you have to make your vision BIGGER than earning a living and paying bills.

Workshop Take-Aways

• Know Your "Why" For Being In Business
• Learn the Hedgehog Process to Define Your Niche
• Create An Inspiring Vision That Pulls You Into The Future
• Network With Other Entrepreneurs
• Plus much more…

So begin to dream big about your work and about your life. Create a system that you can test. Allow imagination and passion to take hold, and realize most profoundly that anything is possible.

An investment in yourself and your business – because you're worth it!

Friday January 14, 2011
8:30 AM – Noon
$99 per person
Price includes Breakfast

Location
Belly Up Tavern
143 South Cedros Avenue
Solana Beach, CA 92075

To register go to: www.sandiegobusinessconectors.com

Greg Clowminzer
(760)930-9604

A Personal Note From Greg

Awakening: The act of awaking, or ceasing to sleep.

Entrepreneur: An entrepreneur is a term applied to the type of personality who is willing to take upon himself a new venture or enterprise and accepts full responsibility for the outcome.

For a long time I have struggled with what seems to be two opposing forces. One being the nature of business and how to make money and the awakening of my spiritually. It wasn't until I started reading Michael Gerber's book titled "Awakening the Entrepreneur Within" that I was finally able to reconcile both worlds. If fact there wasn't even a need to reconcile these two paths because they were so similar and dealt with many of the same issues that I have experienced personally.

My philosophy for life is easily distilled down to this. Business, relationships and life are our teacher. Let me say it this way I believe that life is our greatest teacher. My purpose in life is to grow and evolve into my full potential. Which in most cases means learning how to eliminate things or let go of things rather than trying to get more of something. With that said, my view of business is really an opportunity to grow and evolve as a human being through some very predictable stage that are also similar to the path or evolution of consciousness.

Okay let me explain how I see life and how that translates or parallels to business. It all begins with an individuals idea that we are some how separate from everything. And then you start going about your life from that assumption as if it where true. What that looks like is I have to look out for me. My faith and trust is solely invested into my own abilities. Therefore I don't really trust anyone or anything greater than myself at which point I have made a decision to separate myself from the whole of humanity and now must do everything on my own. Hum! Sounds a lot like most entrepreneurs. Right! The ultimate lone ranger.

One of the very sad things I have notice particularly now in the midst of a very challenging economy is people are tiered. As more and more businesses fail and corporate layoffs increase people are down and very discouraged. Best business practiced that once worked in a robust economy are now a complete and utter failure. As the economy continues to shifts what follows are huge layoff and people reeling in a state of mass confusion as the scramble to reinvent themselves. Some see this a tremendous opportunity while others believe it is the beginning of the end. As people start to seek out new opportunities based on there past experiences the challenges of not finding suitable work threatens images of the American Dream and owning your own business. It is often in the ashes of such despair that the entrepreneur is born.

I hope you will join us and I look forward to meeting the Awakened Entrepreneur in YOU!

To your awakening,

Greg Clowminzer

We've all had one and maybe you do now-an important relationship that is difficult to manage or even understand. In such situations, it's easy to conclude that nothing works and give up, explode, or both. Before you throw in the towel, however, you may want to consider these options.

1. Examine your differences.

Every relationship and most conversations operate on the basis of certain premises, assumptions, and values held by each party. More often than not, these are implicit, hidden, or both. So, the differences that may ultimately divide often exist from the start. For example, do you both feel that honesty is the best policy, even though it may hurt the other person? Are you willing to set aside your own position in order that you may understand where the other person is coming from? Is the other person equally willing?

2. Compare your agendas.

Rarely are even chance meetings free of agendas. At the least, we enter the world of interpersonal relationships with a design (often subconscious) that we be perceived by others as fair, frank, integritous, or whatever. Often, we go further, to make certain that others understand (and agree) with our (correct) point of view. The fact is: conflicting agendas tend to polarize relationships in ways little understood by those involved. Ask yourself: am I always willing to communicate with the other person, my real reasons for what I say and do?

3. Identify the real issues that divide.

It's possible to differ on some things and still agree on others. Then, there are the sticking points, the sore spots that left untouched in the hope that they'll go away, not be noticed, or not really affect the outcome. Mostly, they won't, will, and will! Identifying the crucial dividing issues can be freeing in that it clears the air and gives you a clue as to what you've got to work on.

4. Pinpoint the key factors that prevent you from understanding each other's point of view.

No, this isn't the same thing. An issue is what divides you; this is why it divides you. For example, you and your parents may differ fundamentally on the issue of raising children. Why you differ probably has a lot to do with how each of you were raised which includes culture, history, and events. The point is that, if you can understand why the other person sticks adamantly to her/his point of view, you are in a better position to negotiate around your differences.

5. Determine what you have in common.

While you can build on difference (if you really appreciate the uniqueness and appropriateness of each person's place), it's much more difficult than building on agreement. Sometimes, moreover, the few things we have in common turn out to be superordinate values-factors so important that they subsume and minimize other differences.

6. Consider that you may be frustrating resolution.

Who, me? Not a question we like to ask ourselves, but an essential one nonetheless. All too often, we try to move the other person (child, spouse, lover, friend, colleague) from where we are rather than from where he/she is and, usually, it doesn't work. When this happens, it helps to go back and review your objectives: do you want to improve the relationship or just prove your point?

7. Face up to your expectations.

When the person with whom you are at issue is close to you-a child, a loved one, a mentor-this can be a heart-rending task. But think about expectation in the larger sense; isn't it an obligation you're imposing upon the other person? Put yourself in her/his position: do you like it when someone pressures you with their expectations for you?

8. Define your responsibilities TO and FOR.

If you've read much of my stuff, you've heard this before. Except in the case of your minor children, you aren't responsible for the other person; they are responsible for themselves (even if it hurts to admit it). And your responsibilities to the other person can be defined concretely: you are responsible to the other person in that you must allow them what you require for yourself. If you require respect for yourself, then you must be willing to give it to others (even if you think they don't deserve it!).

9. Decide what you are willing to do differently.

This is not a conditional decision. It doesn't depend on what the other person is willing to do, only what you are willing to do in order to improve the situation. Yes, sometimes you'll be asked to go that extra mile (or miles) but again, what's your objective-to heal the situation or defend your position?

10. Love unconditionally.

I left this one till last, because it is, by far, the toughest thing you will be called upon to do. Often unconditional love is returned with suspicion, derision, and animosity. You get (mis)taken for a sucker and regarded as gullible or worse. So, let's set the record straight. In many situations, unconditional love is the only thing that heals. Unconditional love is undemanding and can be entirely nonverbal. It's not a device or a posture, but an entirely different way of viewing the situation and the other person. It is, to paraphrase Shakespeare, a consummation devoutly to be wished, a state diligently to be pursued.

Need help dealing with a difficult relationship issue?

To schedule a free coaching call to see if coaching might be the help you need, simply call 760-930-9604. There is no charge. This is a no-pressure, no-obligation opportunity to see if coaching is right for you.

Greg Clowminzer | Business&Life; Success Coach
Phone: 760-930-9604

Website: www.gregclowminzer.com
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Greg Clowminzer offers advice and personal coaching for CEO's,
small business owners, and professionals who are stressed out and
overwhelmed by the challenges of business, relationships and life.