Tips on Moving in With a Man

So you’ve been together for some time now and things are going really well. You’re both in love, happy and into each other in a way you never thought possible. You’ve talked it out and have both decided that you’re ready to take that next big step in your relationship and move in together. Now what?

Sit down and think this through:

• What is it about the idea of moving in with your significant other that appeals to you?


• Intellectually you may be aware of the fact that you will be spending a considerable time out of each and every day in his company; yet are you emotionally ready to give up the ability to walk away for a day or two in order to cool down or take a little time out for yourself?


• Are you ready to accept the inevitable compromises that will be necessary just to be able to cohabitate?


• Take stock of every last one of the expectations you are harboring and see how they hold up against the harsh light of reality.

Ask yourself what could go wrong:

Think about all the small habits he has that you’ve noticed during your time together. Are there any that annoy you?
Is his apartment usually a mess? Does he hang up the phone when you fight together? Does he spend his money on the things he wants first and the bills second?
The things that were once only small annoyances will come to seem quite large once you have to put up with them daily.

If you are expecting to be able to change these as well as other aspects of his personality once you are together, you may want to re-think this idea. While one human may influence another over time, the idea of focusing on your significant others "potential" with the intention of changing him into a closer idea of what or how you think he should be is not only unfair to him as a human being, it is also a sure way to end up with a mutual resentment.

Maintain financial independence:

• While it is perfectly acceptable and even suggested that you both go to the bank and open a joint account into which you both contribute money for the care and maintenance of your home and bills, it is not advisable to tie your finances directly to his. This becomes doubly true if you have already noticed a predisposition towards fiscal irresponsibility. 


• Money is one of the biggest fundamental issues that arise between couples.


• Always keep your account strictly in your hands and set aside enough money into your savings account that you have the necessary means to leave should the need present itself.

Do not become his mother:

• If he was comfortable with his apartment being a mess when you two met, chances are he will continue to feel this way. This doesn’t mean that he will not appreciate a freshly cleaned apartment or home; it simply means that he will be less inclined to participate in the activities required to make it that way.


• It can be all too easy to slip into roles within the relationship where one partner, make or female, takes on all the responsibility for the cleaning and caring for the domicile. This can lead to resentment very quickly if not addressed prior to move in.


• Have a plan that outlines the chores that each partner will perform within the household and then let him do his share. Do not become his caretaker.

Communicate effectively:

• Men and women typically communicate differently. Do not expect him to know or understand your means of communication, even if his seems simple to you.


• Do not expect him to "get it" and to act according to your wishes.


• If you want to maintain a happy relationship with your man, and if you want something from him, tell him so. This can be anything from emotional support to the changing of a light bulb.


• Expecting him to know how you feel simply because he happens to love you is not a realistic expectation and should not be entertained.


• People come to understand each other over time; however, even then communication is necessary in order to express expectations, desires and hurt feelings.


• Respect the differences you have and try to work within them in such a way as to foster understanding rather than frustration and emotional hostage taking by refusing to express what he might have done to hurt or anger you.