What is a Time Out in Domestic Violence Cases?

Time out is a procedure used to deal with abusive behavior. While not without controversy, when properly utilized, it can be an effective tool in diffusing a potentially abusive encounter. The method is employed by an abuser seeking to control himself in the midst of mounting rage.

How Time Out Works

• When an abuser begins to experience physical or emotional stress in a confrontational situation, that is the signal that time out should be employed. Physical sensations would include such reactions as muscular tension or clenched teeth.  Emotional sensations would be thoughts such as believing one is being disrespected or challenged.


• The abuser should advise the other party by word or signal that he is taking a time out. He must remove himself from the scene and engage in a physical activity that will release the adrenalin buildup in the system. Exercise, running or walking would be helpful.


• Sufficient time away from the other party is necessary. Time out is not a brief cooling off period, but an exercise requiring several hours. Upon returning, he will ask the other party if they wish to continue the discussion. If so, it will be conducted in a calm and considerate manner. If not, further discussion of the topic initiating the potential abuse should be avoided.

Shortcomings of the Time Out Approach

• Time outs can allow an abuser to blame the other person is they do not respond in a cooperative manner to the approach. The abused party is, in fact, subject to additional abuse by being placed in the role of hindering the abuser's recovery.


• It allows an abuser the opportunity to avoid making a more permanent, conscious choice in actually dealing with his behavior. For example, abusers are often able to restrain their actions when being admonished by a superior on the job without the need for a time out. It is a matter of taking responsibility for and control of oneself rather than merely escaping from a potentially volatile situation.