New England Mediation Services

Welcome to my blog. Together with my Newsletter, I'm going to try to use this blog to pass on information about New England Mediation Services and mediation in general. Please feel free to comment, throw barbs, ridicule or correct. Remember, as a mediator, I have a thick skin. First off, are you an employer or employee? Do you like humor? Then visit the video section of my MerchantCircle site to see a video on how NOT to handle a workplace dispute. Conflict in the workplace is a common and natural occurrence. In fact, conflict where ever people come together is common and natural. It's just an expression of the reality that we are all not alike and have different experiences, needs, desires and perceptions. Conflict in the workplace can be especially upsetting to those involved and financially draining to the employer. We can't get rid of conflict unless we live a "Stepford wives" kind of existence. Though, that didn't end to well, either. It's possible to actually embrace conflict as an opportunity to dig deep into the dynamics of what exists in the workplace all the time. What I mean is, in the course of the work day, we come into contact with people, situations, emotions (ours or others) that place "hurdles" between us and what we are trying to accomplish. The common human response is to push down those hurdles, those feelings of not being able to get what we want, into the lower parts of our brains where those emotions, that we don't want to show others, reside. Consider for example an employee who is working on a project for his supervisor and he has a question for his boss. Now, the employee thinks it's a good question that shows he understands the project well and is diligently working on the project. The boss, however, for whatever reason, (and we can't ever intuitively know why) thinks the questions is not very intelligent and indicates that to the employee. (Did someone cut off the boss in his car on the way to work creating anger in the boss that he projects onto the employee irrationally?) Chances are, the employee is going to feel several emotions...hurt, anger, resentment, low self esteem, confusion. Chances also are that he is not going to share those feelings with his boss at that moment. Well, where do those feelings, and the perceptions that they create (the boss is ungrateful, a jerk, incompetent) go? The employee likely pushed them down into that part of the brain where bad feelings go to stew...occasionally bubbling up to remind the employee of the hurt he has experienced. Those feelings that are now bubbling in the employee are the hurdle that gets in the way of his doing his job because he no longer feels good about it. They don't help him get through his day efficiently and they certainly don't work to the benefit of the supervisor or the ultimate employer. And these hurdles are created many times throughout the day, knowingly at times, but usually unknowingly. So, the lesson of the story is that, if conflict happens regularly whether we like it or not, and conflict acts as a hurdle to a productive and efficient work product and experience, if we have an effective way to address it, then we can knock down those hurdles that would otherwise just remain bubbling and causing havoc. In other words, addressing conflict can actually help by causing us to uncover simmering emotions, misperceptions and miscommunications that are getting in the way of an effective workplace that we would otherwise not be aware of because we didn't look. As an extra bonus, addressing conflict in a respectful and professional manner can actually strengthen relationships by conveying an attitude of caring on the part of the employer that employees value. So, check out the video and realize that there is a kinder, gentler way of addressing workplace disputes that will bring greater benefits in the end.