How does one person handle verbal abuse?

Mountain Spirit Counseling, Paul A. Hood, M.S., L.P.C. (Licensed Professional Counselor)

A good source of information and help, other than seeing a therapist who specializes in abusive relationships, is the book, "The Verbally Abusive Relationship/How to recognize it and how to respond" by Patricia Evans. She gives a good education on the subject and ways to deal with the problem. As someone else wrote, this could escalate to violence, so be prepared for that and get out immediately if it happens. There are programs in your area to help.

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Answered by Mountain Spirit Counseling, Paul A. Hood, M.S., L.P.C. (Licensed Professional Counselor) P.O. Box 700, (Offices in Bailey and South Evergreen/Marshdale, near Conifer)., Bailey, CO, 80421, 303-838-8169 (Novice with 48 pts.)

Answered 14 years ago.

North Valley Anger Management Consultants

It sounds like you are really hurting and I am so glad you are reaching out. My first concern is your safety. Often if a spouse is verbally abusive there is also physical abuse in the home. So I have to ask, are you safe,and do you have a safety plan in place (a way to get out of the house for as long as neccessary if you need to)? Next, you need to understand that your spouses verbal abuse is not about you, or anything you have done. It is about him and is a product of what we call projected aggression, i.e., he cannot cope with his emotions so he is projecting them on to you. The important thing to remember is that you do not have to continue to allow it. Your question was about how to stop verbal abuse. The good news is it is very doable if you are both invested. However, because your safety is most important my suggestion is that you contact a marriage& family therapist for help with setting ground rules in the home (such as if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all) and outling the consequence if he violates the rule. Also it is important for your spouse to have assistance with developing coping skills to replace the verbal abuse he was using to deal with his problems. For a list of qualified therapists in your area visit www.aamft.org. If you are living with physical as well as verbal abuse and would like help getting out please contact your local YMCA or www.ncadv.org for assistance. Please know you are not alone, and there is help. You have already taken the first step!

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Answered by North Valley Anger Management Consultants 10550 Sepulveda Blvd Suite # 116, Mission Hills, CA, 91345, 888-992-6479 (Novice with 41 pts.)

Answered 14 years ago.

Isaac Sochaczewski, LMHC, Psychotherapist

How does one person handle verbal abuse?

Firstly, you might want to ask yourself the question, “Should I have to handle verbal abuse?"
If the verbal abuse is affecting my functioning, ripping at my self esteem, and destroying my relationship why am I allowing it to happen?

When working with relationships, I always ask my clients to weigh the pro and cons to determine if this is a relationship you are willing to work on.
After you have carefully examined the pros and cons and you are willing to work on this relationship list your primary concerns regarding this relationship. If your spouse if verbally abusive, chances are there are other relationship issues you are struggling with as well.

Now here is the only word you need to know to help improve your relationship. COMMUNICATION

Tell your spouse how you feel when he/she calls you names.
Talk about how you feel in your relationship in general expressing the positive along with the negative.

Communication is the key!

If he/she is unwilling to listen, or you expressing your concerns are unhelpful, you might want to try a less direct approach.
When your spouse compliments you or shows you affection, let your spouse know how much you like that. Let him/her be aware of your feelings and that you care about your relationship. This is a more comforting approach and might help you spouse become more aware of his/her actions both positive and negative and motivate him/her to improve.

If your spouse recognizes his/her wrong behaviors and is willing to work on improving the relationship, suggest couples counseling is can help tremendously. Please email me at isaacsoch@gmail.com or call if you have any other questions or concerns. Best of luck!

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Answered by Isaac Sochaczewski, LMHC, Psychotherapist 17071 West Dixie Hwy, Suite 103, Aventura, FL, 33160, 305-505-4284 (Novice with 1 pts.)

Answered 15 years ago.

Verbal abuse happens in some relationships. It can gradually worsen, and the victim may not realize he or she is being abused. But verbal abuse is an emotional abuse and includes name-calling and threats. A person may even yell at you. According to the Helpguide.org website, emotional abuse can lead to depression and anxiety. It can be difficult if you are in a marriage in which verbal abuse is happening. You may blame yourself for the abuse. But it is not your fault. There are things you can do to stop verbal abuse in your marriage.

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Let the abuser vent his or her frustrations. Do not attempt to argue with him or her. The hope is that he or she will stop yelling, and the abuse will not escalate into physical violence.

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Speak calmly to the other person. Never yell back or encourage her or him to blow up. Tell her or him you don't appreciate being spoken to in that manner.

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Suggest a time out. Tell him or her you both need to walk away and allow yourselves to cool down, so you can both deal with the situation at a later time.

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Seek counseling. Counseling can help you to deal with the relationship issues. Suggest counseling to your partner as well. Explain that you want to work on the marriage.

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Call a domestic violence hotline. You may learn tips and ways of dealing with the abuse. The hotline may be able to provide you with other helpful resources.

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Leave the relationship if the verbal abuse doesn't stop. Do not allow the person to continue to berate you. You may have to walk away. This will hurt, but may be the only way to stop the abuse.

Read more: How to Stop Verbal Abuse in Marriage | eHow.com
Links: www.ehow.com

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Answered by No Hassle Shopping, Inc. 24/7 Online Store P O BOX 281132, Memphis, TN, 38168, 520-510-7508 (Novice with 25 pts.)

Answered 15 years ago.

Hello,

Verbal abuse is really difficult to deal with. Know that it is about this person and not about you. When people love themselves and feel good about themselves they will not try to bring others down. Your spouse probably suffered abuse himself earlier in life. Oftentimes what happens in childhood is carried with us for life unless we deal with the trauma. If your spouse is open to it counseling would be a good option for both of you together to deal with it.

Many people have been able to improve with emotional problems by using our essential oils. Simply inhaling them or diffusing them in the air can have powerful and positive effects. Essential oils are the best at being able to release negative emotions and trauma from the cells. When inhaled they go directly to the area of the brain that controls emotions. I would recommend our: Joy, Valor, Believe, Trauma Life, SARA, Hope, Highest Potential, Stress Away and Peace & Calming. I will put you in my prayers.

Peace, Health and Prosperity,
Barb Doyle, Sc.
Links: empower.thisworks.biz

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Answered by Pinnacle Enterprises 339 Carmel Woods Dr., Ellisville, MO, 63021, 636-227-6698 (Novice with 205 pts.)

Answered 15 years ago.

Verbal Abuse can cause more damage then anything. Please know your not alone. First I would contact a womens health center and ask for any one you can talk to, Remember he is the problem not you. Take a deep breath when this happens and try not to respond. It helps to have a quote that gives you strength to say to yourself when you need it most.. Please take some time to find help in your area of NC I promise, They want to help you through this Good luck.
Links: www.guardyourselfnow.com

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Answered by Guard Yourself Now 74 Brown Rd, Middletown, NY, 10941, 845-361-4110 (Novice with 37 pts.)

Answered 15 years ago.

Some books I always recommend when abuse is verbal are: The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense by Suzette H. Elgin, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith, Ph.D. and The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.

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Answered by Mountain Spirit Counseling, Paul A. Hood, M.S., L.P.C. (Licensed Professional Counselor) P.O. Box 700, (Offices in Bailey and South Evergreen/Marshdale, near Conifer)., Bailey, CO, 80421, 303-838-8169 (Novice with 48 pts.)

Answered 13 years ago.

I would earnestly suggest for you to go to our website: elrophe.org. We have some articles published and you can access them easily. I think you would find some good information about your situation.

elrophe.org

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Answered by EL ROPHE CENTER 116 S. Providence St., WAXHAW, NC, 28173, 704-843-4818 (Novice with 1 pts.)

Answered 15 years ago.

divorce?

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Answered by Jo-Jo's Asian Massage 9550 Main St Ste 110, Woodstock, GA, 30188, 678-388-8650 (Novice with 30 pts.)

Answered 15 years ago.

Be aware of your immediate situation. Why do you feel you need to endure verbal abuse? How often is this transpiring and over what topics; i.e. what you did or did not get accomplished in the home or is it ranting over a bad day & then observe how you are responding internally and externally.
Awareness of your situation is important in order to clarify how to approach a healthier form of communication for the both of you.
In the situation of on-going and consistent verbal attacks to you and what you may or may not being doing to be "pleasing or satisfactory" or if it is implying you are not good enough in some manner, be it as a person, in gender, what you offer in the relationship or towards the home or family - this is abuse.
If it is just chronic complaining; i.e. my boss is a pain, my life isn't good enough & I'm not making enough money & you are just feeling badly because you are feeling like a contributing factor - this is your internal self-esteem issue.
Both circumstances require you to seek counseling, however, for the appropriate need and therefore seek the appropriate professional.
If the only concern at this time is the verbal outbursts; then when there is a more quite and loving time, perhaps when you and your loved one are taking a walk together (this is when there is more receptivity during positive activity together), then it would be a good time to recommend counseling together (after you have found the ideal professional on your own, so you are ready with the name & number when you hear the positive "go ahead" & can set a committed date & time immediately).
Otherwise, if you partner is not in agreement, you go on your own to realize the proper, healthier steps for yourself & your relationship that will be correct for you.
Not ever situation is the same & requires immediate divorce, however, you are the only one who can discern your situation & needs by being honest and getting the proper support now.
Get support from others close to you as well, that you are sure you can trust as well, such as friends, church family, co-workers and family members. Be open and honest. If you discover they are as supportive as you need -don't discourage, just continue to those whom are & get the professional counseling immediately; they will give you all the other links to support you need now.
Blesssings to you. From one who understands on a personal level.
If you are unsure of a local support network, you can Google search or contact: RAIN.org for recommendations and further advice online.
Links: www.associatedcontent.com, www.associatedcontent.com, www.associatedcontent.com

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Answered by Essentials Nutritional Supplements Online: essentialsnutritionalsupplements.com, Glendale, AZ, 85308, 888-494-6439 (Novice with 7 pts.)